deconversion

I went to church this last weekend for last time, at least for the forseable future. And this very weekend a summer of suckyness culminated in the wheels falling off the bus completley. Coicidence(?), or is this how God finnally tries to straighten me out. That would be frustrating, after a solid year of prayer to be reaffimred in my faith and to have God's presence be a reality again in my life, always met with silience. But instead, as I take the step away from Church and then bang, all of life's problems.

Regardless, I want to pray. I don't have anyone else to turn to. Only an all powerful God can help. So what if we all noticed He tends not to. I still want to ask. These are the moments as a believer that we would focus on the eternal, and know that God has a plan (even our suffering) and that it is okay. Whatever happens, God loves us. Its a good reciepe for contentment. I want to return to that to. I tried this weekend to be content regardless. Indeed, if there really was no God, and yet this formula of reconginzing what was really important produced peace in the past, I should be able to decide not to let it get me down now, regardless of the question of God. Well its not that easy.

Religion persists for a reason. It really can bring peace. Maybe Dawkins finds more peace without it but I don't think I do. Damn books. Damn education. I should have stayed in my ignorance.

Pete: Boy do I resonate with where you are. I think many of us do. Most of us decons went through a time just like what you are describing. It's one of the least pleasant parts of the process.

I don't have anyone else to turn to. Only an all powerful God can help.

Pete, since your post is a bit vague, I don't know how helpful this will be, but here's my advice. You do have someone else to turn to: yourself. During my deconversion I learned to take a much more active roll in my life, instead of just sitting back and waiting for God to help or just letting the flow of events carry me in whatever direction it happened to go. I figured out the things that were making me unhappy, and I cut them out of my life. I figured out what I needed to do to make myself healthy (both physically and emotionally), and I did it. I learned that I had the power to help myself. No all-powerful deity requited.

Thanks for the reply's orDover and LeoPardus. I have read many de-convert testimonies on this site and ex-Christian and it is clear I am in the the very unpleasant point, at least for my own mental journey. When it comes out to my fundie father-in-law, that part will also be very unpleasantness.

This summer has been a three way combination of unbearable heat, extreme religious doubts, and physical injuries. Neither of the three let up. My health is not life threatening, not cancer or anything, but it has seriously constrained my number one hobby, the gym and now I have learned I need surgery, probably twice. And I can't really afford it right now. I'm hearing your advice orDover, and I'm doing my best to do just that. I'm going to go through with the surgery, I'm going to put it on a credit card and just go with and it hope (or pray:) the second is not nessisary. And here is the thing, even if I still believed I would be doing THE EXACT same thing, except perhaps more praying though even as a strong believer I had doubts that God did much in way of answering prayers for healings. Its just that, when thinking to myself which I do all day, those moments of distress were always accompanied by a prayer, a simple PLEASE!, and simple attempted reliance on God and attempts at emotional stability. Not that I was ever that sucessful per say, but I still it added something.

Thankfully, my wife and I have deconverted about the same time, though for different reasons and at a different pace and ultimatly to a different point of unbelief. The two of us are still in love as ever. But I am just all torn up over what to tell the children. They are 5 and 7, and have been going to evangelical churches with us their entire lives. They don't like church per say, won't miss it and won't ask us to go back. But it is still the story they know. It is easy for me to talk openly to my wife about this, it is something altogether different to make that switch on my children. Maybe I don't have to per say. Maybe I don't say anything, but I live in the south, it is going to come up. And what if I am wrong. WHAT IF I AM WRONG and my children are on their way to hell because of me. I don't fear hell, not for myself. Doesn't make sense any more. But add my instintual protection of my children and a lifetime of indoctrination andI just can't let it go.

And then there is the extended family. Christian on both sides (though at different levels of commitment). And then there are the cousins, children of my wife's and my simblings, who will each be taught something entirely different. No big deal when we are states away, but Christmas will come.
I fear disapointing my family. I envy those who joined the church later in life against their parents wishes, very easy to come back.

I'm raising a couple of children myself, and I'm trying to raise them to be freethinkers. I think the most important thing is to teach them reasoning skills, give them exposure to lots of religious and non-religious ideas, and let them make up their minds for themselves. Dale McGowan has written a book called Parenting Beyond Belief, and has a website called The Meming of Life that are great resources to help with this. Don't worry that you are condemning your children to "hell". Any kind of a just god would judge children based on their own decisions, not their parents.

(Oh, dang. All those Muslim and Hindu and Buddist people going to hell because their parents taught them the wrong holy book! And mankind all being doomed because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat a piece of evil fruit! So much for the xian biblegod being a "just god". )

Family gatherings are a concern for us as well. I have a fundamentalist brother-in-law who is working very hard to indoctrinate his children before they are old enough to know any better. I ask my children to generally be quiet about religion at family gatherings, and remind them that we are not there for religious debates, and ask them to just listen if the other kids bring up the subject. Later, I ask my kids what they thought about what they heard. If I am asked about taking the kids to church, I say that we are "home Sunday Schooling". Which we are. I have made sure they have had the opportunity to go to several different kinds of religious services, and we talk and read about a lot of mythology from different cultures, including bible stories. They think Thor realy rocks - he has some of the best legends. As long as my children have really thought it through, and have good reasons for believing what they finally decide they believe in instead of just blind faith, I'm pretty much fine with whatever that turns out to be.

When my husband and I decided to quit going to church our children did notice. Although they didn't enjoy church much they wondered what had happened. We explained that there were some things about church that we were not comfortable with and so we didn't want to go anymore.

I found that very little changed for us. We still expect our children to be kind and polite and we try to explain the reasons for these things. They are more satisfied with a reasoned explanation for why they should behave rather than God said so. Over time they have accepted that we don't go to church anymore and we are very open about discussing different religious beliefs.
As Ubi said, we have had to let the kids know that there are some places that it's not suitable to talk about our beliefs or lack of them. They know much of our family is still Christian and understand that sometimes we have to accommodate that.

I still find that I can get lulled onto the easy comforting lifestyle of Christianity which is so familiar to me and wonder if I have made a mistake. As Leo says, there are no easy answers. It has become easier for me as time has passed especially because I have had more time to understand my reasons for deconverting.