deconversion

In the past, handling guilt/conviction/sin was simpler. I confessed my sins to God and the person I offended and all was well with my mind. Now, since I am no longer a Christian by definition, I find myself wondering how to deal with guilt. This may sound cheesy and whatever else, but I always felt better after I confessed my sins to God. It gave me confidence to move forward, at least until it was time to beat myself up again.

How do you deal with guilt/feeling that you have erred now that you no longer have anyone to confess your sins?

H Bruce,

Hmm. I don't have this problem much. I find that I make a lot of mistakes, which are typical of most human beings. I try to learn from them. If one makes me feel guilty, I try to look at why it makes me feel guilty and see if that guilt is reasonable or not. If I have harmed someone, an apology is a first step. Softening my heart and attitude toward the person and acknowleding their value goes right along with the apology, and I find that this is enough to remedy most situations when I mess up. Doing something to make things right or actually improve the person's quality of life can be a necessary step if I have done harm.

Instead of apologizing to God, I will look at my actions and compare them to my values and see how I strayed from what I value. I'll decide how I want to act in the future if a similar situation occurs. In some cases, I may even realize that the action is something I want to do and is actually not against my values, so I will let myself off the hook both now and in the future.

I find that truly offering myself forgiveness and acceptance is just as powerful as asking God to forgive me. Have you tried this? Do you still feel the need to do more to get rid of guilt?

Every mistake, every "sin" teaches me something about myself and other people. It gives me an opportunity to grow and to resolve anew not to harm others or myself and to be aware of my connection to others. There is no way to live without making mistakes and erring, at least I certainly haven't found one. But reminding myself of my values and being aware of what's going on seems to prevent most purposeful harm. Why would I purposefully do something that I know is harmful? Even if it doesn't harm me now, harming others will certainly harm me in the long run.

What I usually deal with are "in the moment" lapses of judgement or consideration of others and my connection to them. Making things right with the person and offering forgiveness to myself seems to do the trick. It's okay. You botched it up. You created some suffering, as all people do. Now move past it and see what good you can create. Life is short. If you find that guilt just hangs over you even after you have made steps to correct the situation, that guilt is useless self-condemnation. I struggle with that, and it is a waste of precious time and energy. :)

Sorry to be so long-winded.

Thank you, Mary!

I really liked your point on using errors to learn from and renew your resolve to be harmless and understand your connection to others. This is something I can use as I work on a new 'repentance' model, if I can use that word in these parts.

I'm really not finding that I am any less convicted or less prone to feel guilty when I've hurt someone as when I was practicing a faith. I snapped at my husband tonight and said something quite mean, but after a few minutes, I knew I had lashed out at him for nothing he had done and I felt compelled to apologize and seek his forgiveness. So far, I'm not finding this to be much different than it's ever been.

I like the resolve to be harmless, too, Mary.