| Wednesday 28th October 2009 04:42am 1 |
Snuggly Buffalo
14 Posts
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I posted this over on LiveJournal for my friends, and I figured
this was a good place to duplicate it.
I was talking to my brother tonight, and it sounds like my mom
is... well, I wanted to say, "going further off the deep end,"
but I guess this is really not that unexpected.
My brother will be going to college next year and he's pretty
desperate to move out of the house, in spite of my parents
thinking it would be better to save money and live at home for a
while like I did. Since my current roommates will be out of the
apartment next year I mentioned the possibility that we could
room together. It would save us both the hassle of looking for
roommates and we get along well enough that I think it would be
pretty cool.
According to him, my parents were joking about sending my mom to
live with him in the dorms during college, and he brought up the
possibility of living with me. Actually, it sounds like he may
have told them that it was a certainty, which may not have been
the best approach (especially since it's not even remotely a
certainty at this point). Regardless, my mom apparently forbids
it. She says that if he moves in with me they won't help him
through college.
My brother responded, "I guess I'll be in debt for a long time."
I don't think she appreciated that, but I'm glad he's not letting
her dictate his life. I guess she also said that if I had roomed
with Christians instead of atheists, I would still be a believer
now. My mom can't seem to wrap her head around the fact that my
apostasy had nothing to do with my roommates. At most, the
atheists I know simply showed me that being an atheist doesn't
make you a nihilistic jerk with no morals, and I didn't have to
live with them to figure that much out. The rest was my own
honest growth as a person and exploration and analysis of my
beliefs.
I guess I'm not really surprised. My apostasy was proof, for her
at least, that her children need to be sheltered from
dangerous ideas. It's still very frustrating, and not a
little hurtful, to know that I'm seen as something my little
brother has to be sheltered from. Not unlike the time my
brother told me they had begun doing devotionals again so that he
didn't "end up like Greg." The fact that my mom threatened to cut
off college support if he lived with me is especially telling. I
wish I could have a normal, healthy relationship with my family,
but this vile fundamentalism my mom is steeped in looks set to
make that impossible.
Oh yeah, on top of all this, she thinks Obama is the Antichrist
who is going to establish the New World Order in December and
plans to force everyone to get implanted with microchips required
for commerce (which is the mark of the beast, of course).
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| Wednesday 28th October 2009 01:46pm 2 |
hyümən
10 Posts
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SB,
Recently I let on that I was an atheist on Facebook to a handful of
christian family members. The response was minimal, but a few days
later my (atheist) husband got a call from his sweet mother asking
him over and over if he believed Jesus was the son of god. At first
he avoided the question by asking his own questions, but she was
determined because of course - as long as he believed this, he was
saved.
Eventually he gave in to the relentless questioning and said, "yes,
mom" just to appease her. She really is a wonderful woman and has
done so much for us, so he just couldn't let her spend the last
years of her life worrying about whether he was going to her
imaginary heaven.
Moreover, it wouldn't be worth the constant preaching from the
family (ours is fundamental christians too) for the rest of our
lives. We live our lives the way we want here in Texas and they
live how they want in St. Louis. We are all happy.
Our solution may not be a viable one for you, but it's working for
us...at least until the holidays. :D
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| Wednesday 28th October 2009 02:42pm 3 |
Mystery Porcupine
17 Posts
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Hey Snugglbuf :)
I'm sorry to read about how your mom is treating you. I have a
feeling she is probably chasing your brother away from the faith
with her actions, but I guess time will tell. How long has your mom
known about your "apostacy?" I have this hope that the more she
interacts with you, the less extreme she will behave towards you.
But she does sound like she's pretty far out there right now.
You know, I think there are a lot of adults out there who just
humor their parents. They have chosen their own lives, and they do
their best to honor their parents, and that's that. Over time,
maybe you will even figure out ways to love your parents that helps
to bridge this gap. Situations arise, and compassion is really
powerful. Until then, it seems like things are just going to be
bumpy. Hang in there.
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| Wednesday 28th October 2009 05:10pm 4 |
Snuggly Buffalo
14 Posts
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I deconverted about 1.5 years ago, and my family's known for about
a year. Things are better now than when she first found out, but we
basically don't discuss religion at all in order to keep the peace.
In other ways it's worse, now. Her crazy ideas regarding religion
and politics seem to have intensified (see her views on Obama).
She's definitely chasing him away from the faith. Even my very
religious sister thinks my mom is a little nutty. My brother is
starting to look at his faith critically, and admits he already
disagrees with my mom on a lot of things. He's still a believer at
this point, but he's questioning. I actually strongly suspect he'll
wind up deconverting himself once he's free of my parents and can
truly decide for himself (and I've explicitly advised him to not do
such until he has moved out, should his questioning lead him down
that path). My biggest concern is that if he apostatizes, I can
almost guarantee my mom is going to blame me for it. It's something
I'll have to deal with if/when it happens, I guess. And it's
starting to push him away from the family, too. He confided that
once he's moved out, he doesn't really want to go back to visit my
parents at all. I'm hoping that once he's moved out it will give
him the breathing room he needs to be a little more tolerant of my
mom's craziness.
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| Wednesday 28th October 2009 07:18pm 5 |
hyümən
10 Posts
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I think I'd rather take the blame for my brother's deconversion
than for him to spend his life in the grips of christianity.
:D
I wonder, have you or your sister mentioned to your mother that she
is pushing your brother away? Perhaps she doesn't realize what
she's doing.
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| Wednesday 28th October 2009 07:47pm 6 |
Snuggly Buffalo
14 Posts
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Indeed, I actually do hope he deconverts, I just know it's not
going to be fun dealing with our parents if it happens. Anyway, I
only just found out that he's being pushed away, so I haven't even
really had time to consider talking to my mom about it. I think it
would have to be my sister, because if I tried to tell her to stop
pushing her fundamentalism at him she's just going to see it as me
trying to remove her Godly influence so I can corrupt him. I should
point out that his feelings on this stem from much more than just
this one incident. This was just the most blatant in a long line of
fundamentalist craziness.
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