Ready to move on
Since I have an opinion about everything, I was surprised to
see that it has been about 6 weeks since I've written
anything. This morning I'm looking for some guidance, maybe
some affirmation.
I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready to move on in my life. I've deconverted. I am an atheist. I've spent many hours (almost every waking hour)/days (every day)/weeks (all week)/months (for months on end!) thinking about these things, studying various topics as they relate to the bible and Christianity. I'm tired.
And while I enjoy encouraging others who are not as far along as I am, I'm getting tired of most of the "ex-christian" sites. Not because they don't serve a purpose, but because they cause me to continually look back. I don't really know how to state what I'm feeling. I don't want to say, "Thanks guys! See ya!", but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
At some point one has to bury the body and move on with life. While I know that since my life was defined by Christianity for 30 years, I have many residual issues to deal with, I want to find something to put in front of me, to look forward to.
I'm hoping to get re-enrolled in college this fall. Maybe just being in a learning environment will spark some interest, some passion that I can throw myself into. We'll see.
So. Those of you who are further along this path: How did you redefine your life? What gives you "purpose" now? What excites you?
I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready to move on in my life. I've deconverted. I am an atheist. I've spent many hours (almost every waking hour)/days (every day)/weeks (all week)/months (for months on end!) thinking about these things, studying various topics as they relate to the bible and Christianity. I'm tired.
And while I enjoy encouraging others who are not as far along as I am, I'm getting tired of most of the "ex-christian" sites. Not because they don't serve a purpose, but because they cause me to continually look back. I don't really know how to state what I'm feeling. I don't want to say, "Thanks guys! See ya!", but I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
At some point one has to bury the body and move on with life. While I know that since my life was defined by Christianity for 30 years, I have many residual issues to deal with, I want to find something to put in front of me, to look forward to.
I'm hoping to get re-enrolled in college this fall. Maybe just being in a learning environment will spark some interest, some passion that I can throw myself into. We'll see.
So. Those of you who are further along this path: How did you redefine your life? What gives you "purpose" now? What excites you?
5 Comments
My kids are of course my biggest inspiriation, helping them become good critical thinkers and responsible human beings. They are my gift to the future, so I'd better do a good job with them. And my hobby, choral music, keeps me sane.
And, even though I am twenty-five years deconverted, I still hang around websites like this one. Not for the troll-baiting, though that is tempting, but for the people like Pie, and the others like her that I know are reading if not posting. If I can help people think their way out of blind faith, and into a worldview based more on reality then I've helped make the world a better place.
I wish you well as you move one. I hope I've been helpful, and if you just need to blow off steam at the religious idiocy you see around you, come back and vent anytime.
There is a fatigue that comes with the entire process of deconversion. There is a need to move on. I have stepped back from involvement because staying in the discussion seemed to me to be rather OCD'ish. A compulsion perhaps. Keeping me in the past and replaying the trauma of it all concerned me. I do not have the best of health and I worried that my heart, mind and body couldn't take the constant rehashing of it all, over and over and over again.
After stepping back, I can tell you that for me, the desire to be there in some small way to help out those on a similar journey is still there. I see though, that since the early days of my blogging, when there were only a few of us blogging about deconversion, there has been an explosion of former Christians who have come out of the closet. So, it seems to me that there is no loss of voices out here to step up and help out those still in the process of deconverting.
I don't think I'll ever lose interest in this topic of deconversion and the challenges is presents to those of us on that journey. I think all we can do is take it one day at a time. I try to move on and I think I am, yet, there's a part of me that doesn't want to let go. :)
I'm an empty nester, with chronic and acute health problems. Changing things up for me has it's limits. I enjoy gardening when I can as well as photography. I'm trying to read more books again (my original passion) and less on the internet. I wish I could write a book but my brain just is not what it use to be. So, if you're brain is still intact...yes, move on, college or whatever. While you have your faculties...use them! *grin*
Currently, what defines me is the process of becoming a mom (due this November) along with full-time volunteer work for a worthy cause that has nothing to do with religion. Both of those things are very exciting. I love the idea of having the complete human experience by finally raising a child. I want to learn more so that I can help her to learn and think and question. And I want to have more fun so that she will experience lots of happiness!
If there is any theme that ties my various life phases together, I would hope that it is making ethical, considerate decisions about how I treat other people and the world. I try to be patient with religious people and don't really feel the need to argue with them. I figure that most people cherish delusions of one sort or another, but I try not to do that myself.
I think school is a great way to go. The only way we will get out of the corner that we were painted into for much of our lives is by getting out there and opening up - to all kinds of people and information. The process of learning and questioning is a slap in the face to a limited worldview. So even though you may not be talking about religion at school, you are still countering it with the learning process. Of course, a lot depends on the quality of classes and students. I ended up in a master's program for a bit where the students and professors were pretty shallow, not really thinking critically or interested in learning. They were there for the pay or a grade for their careers, so that got old quick for me.
Good luck!
I'm looking forward to going back to school. I love to learn and will want to take courses in almost every discipline (well, not accounting! I DO have my limits!).
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