deconversion

You know. I hate this. I haven't been able to think about anything but this journey since I began it in ernest a few months ago. I have been off again on again for several years, but as I've said elsewhere, it's only been the last year or so that I've been truly searching, researching and trying to figure things out.

Which brings me to today. Since this is all I think about now, I was thinking this moring and realized that one of the reasons I wasn't happy as a Christian was guilt. I mean for a religion of forgiveness, I sure was guilty of alot!

If I go to hell - my fault. I didn't believe.

If my wife's not happy - my fault. I didn't love her correctly/enough.

If my kids are "disobedient" - my fault. I didn't raise them biblically.

If my neighbors/coworkers/friends don't get saved - my fault. I didn't witness.

If my prayers don't get answered - my fault. I didn't believe or I had "sin in my life" or "I wanted my will and not god's will".

If I have financially problems - my fault. I didn't tithe or give enough.

Come on, add your "I didn't" to the list.

NO WONDER I wasn't happy. Sheesh. I am amazed how much blame I took before I said, "forget this". (Well, I didn't actually say, "forget", but it did start with "F"!)

Now I'm just responsible for me. That is one big ROCK off of my shoulders!