deconversion

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I am a doctoral student in English Literature at a Jesuit University. I've finally decided to let go of the last trappings of an always ambivalent Christian faith. I was raised in a fairly literalist tradition. I rejected it totally, then attempted a more moderate, mystical version, and have now, after learning as much as I can about other faiths and faith-claims, decided to withhold judgment and give in to my materialist bent.

I don't have much problem thinking of a naturalistic universe, and even though I find the gospel stories quite compelling, I am happy to think of them as stories--potent with metaphors and images that captivate us as much as those in any ancient narrative.

My primary issue as a de-convert is in dealing with Christian friends and family (mostly family) who desperately need to convert me for some reason. I want to love them and have a relationship with them, but I need them to respect my personal boundaries. Much of their Christianity summons childhood fears of hell and violent, terrifying apocalyptic scenarios of the Left Behind variety, and I want nothing to do with such fear-mongering and social psychosis. I don't have a problem with many moderate Christians at all, but I don't think that anyone needs Christianity or any religion to live a fulfilling and meaningful life.

To any evangelistic Christians who might come across this page... I'm not interested in your apologetics or your testimony or your vitriol. Don't bother.